Family estrangement has become a growing topic of public discourse, with complicated layers of opinions, advice, and speculations from every direction. There are many different reasons why estrangement occurs, ranging from relational divides that develop over decades to swift and contentious fractures that unfold in response to current life circumstances. Regardless of the reasons, estrangement almost always involves painful choices and lingering consequences.
For those who call themselves Christians, the concept of estrangement may seem particularly troublesome to navigate. When we hold to a biblical perspective in addressing what is relationally challenging, we find ourselves faced with Christ’s call to live peaceably with all (Romans 12:18) while also acknowledging the wisdom that sometimes compels us to separate from the foolish person who persists in harming others (Matthew 7:6).
When a family relationship has become estranged, we may experience intense grief, isolating sorrow, and ongoing confusion. The bonds have been broken. In our efforts to bring clarity or comfort, we may rush to reconcile without an accurate understanding of what has happened or the intentions and expectations of those involved. Or, we flee toward permanent isolation from a posture of self-protection that is unwilling to consider the possibilities of how God might intervene and transform.
Recognizing that these burdensome issues often bring people into counseling as they seek to make sense of their experiences and desire help in untangling the impacts, we at Fieldstone want to provide grounding principles of biblical hope. Our aim is not to offer harsh instruction or push for a speedy resolution. We do not intend to offer advice that is disconnected from the details of individual circumstances or spiritual platitudes that bypass the real emotions that accompany estrangement. Instead, we desire to come alongside those experiencing estrangement with curiosity, care, and a commitment to discovering the hope of living in the now and the not yet.
Over the next few weeks, we invite you to check back in here regularly as we explore the topic in a series of articles from our counseling team. If you’re looking for gentle, practical help related to this challenging topic, we want to support and equip you.
Melissa Affolter has served in various aspects of counseling and discipleship ministries for nearly twenty years in the local church.
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