Christmas falls at the darkest time of the year, a time doubly dark for those grieving the death of loved ones. Instead of making festive memories, for those in mourning this season is marked by sadness because of relational holes that remain empty on this side of eternity.
Can there really be joy for the grieving at Christmas?
In the week leading up to the first Christmas after my brother was killed in Iraq, I went to a painting party. I wanted to participate, but I didn't feel merry or bright. I also didn’t want my dark clouds to overshadow the fun for everyone else. I found another person in a similarly downcast state, and we joined forces on a painting, participating in a way that felt appropriate to us. While others painted scenes of Christmas trees and snowscapes, we painted:
Though I didn’t fully realize it at the time, this painting now represents the surprising standing place Christmas is to those mourning deep, irreversible loss. As you head into the holidays, joy may be as foreign a concept to you now as it was for me then. But, as you traverse the road of grief, I hope you will find that Advent is still a season for you. The joy of the season is beyond even death's touch because it entered our world with the Light that pierced the darkness and the darkness cannot and will not overcome it.1
The third stanza of Joy to the World says, “He comes to make his blessings flow
far as the curse is found...”2
Did you know that the curse of sin is death?3 This flow of blessings touches everything marred by sin, eventually freeing us from the tyranny and gut-wrenching pain of death!
The best news is that in Christ, we will get the last word over death. We will get to sneer and taunt as Jesus casts death into its own grave!4
As much as we reflexively want Christmas to be “festive” and may feel badly for not celebrating with exuberance, we can remember that Jesus entered into his own creation for those trapped in darkness and despair. Because Christ came for the broken-hearted, Christmas is a holiday big enough for those experiencing happiness and those who doubt they will ever feel happy again. The joy we cling desperately to at Advent isn’t fickle, frail or ignorant of life in a cursed world. It is not about an idyllic celebration of presents, but rather God’s long-awaited answer to the groans of his people pressed hard under the curse:
His incarnated, death stung, death conquering, victoriously risen presence!
It is okay to be sad this Christmas. Jesus, the Man of Sorrows well acquainted with grief, wept in the face of death.5 And because he experienced death, Jesus intimately knows what help we need today and provides it through his Spirit, our Great Comforter and Counselor. The hurt may not go away, but God will comfort and guide us each step off the journey through this dark valley because he pierced the dark to create a way out.
Friends, if you find yourself in a place of grief heading this Christmas, especially if you’re in the early years, remember:
Don't try to do everything the same this Christmas, it's not.
Don't try to pretend everything is okay, it's not.
And don’t dismiss Christmas as a holiday only for the happy and whole, it’s not.
Whether this is your first holiday with an empty chair at the table or your fiftieth, know that it's in the place of grief that the light of Christ came to shine most brightly. As you mark this holiday with tears and aching, you join the tradition of God’s people waiting with battered hope and desperate groans for that glorious day when death will be cast down forever! And until that glorious day, Jesus sits with you in your sorrow and holds you close. That is something to rejoice in that death cannot take away from you.
Footnotes:
- John 1:5 ↩︎
- Isaac Watts, Joy to the World, 1719 ↩︎
- Romans 6:23; 1 Corinthians 15:56-57 ↩︎
- 1 Corinthians 15:55; Revelation 20:14 ↩︎
- Isaiah 53:3; John 11:35 ↩︎
Kathryn is eager to walk with others in the trenches of life and offer them the comfort with which she’s been comforted. She delights in seeing the gospel bring freedom to...
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